» Top Tips for Christmas
by:
Fran Burgess :
nlpand Website
1. Know how much you have to spend and stick within
your budget.
It can be great to have a
legitimate reason to spend money - provided you are not building
up trouble for the next six months. Guilty spending is no fun.
And guard against the temptation to buy favour. If you have been
neglectful for the past 11 months, your incongruence will be
quickly spotted.
2. Get out of your own skin when
choosing presents.
How often do you buy
things for other people, because you would like the item for
yourself? If it is for a close family member, who is this gift
really for, you or them? You know those times when you found
something that really worked. You became as excited about giving
it, as the receiver might feel receiving it. Getting absolutely
the right gift is a sign of true understanding and acceptance.
Ask yourself, "What would this person really like to see when
they remove the last piece of wrapping?" "What would light up
their face? And what wouldn't?!"
3. Wake up out of your Christmas
trance and choose to change your patterns.
What are your Christmas
patterns? Are you the one that does all the cooking or gets
landed with all the tidying up? Is it down to you to arrange all
the social events and invite people round to your place? Do you
always go on the 10 mile walk, get involved in carol singing, or
making special visits? Or is your preferred pattern one of
getting drunk as often as possible, over eating, staying out all
night, falling out with people, avoiding people? Are you the
Martyr, the Couch Potato, the Hostess, the Scrooge, the Party
Gadfly, the Benefactor? Do you like yourself? Do your patterns
leave you feeling good about yourself? Consider if you would
rather have or how you would rather be, and come up with at
least 5 alternative options. This could be the best present you
have ever given yourself - and maybe to others around you.
4. Know in advance what you are
prepared to do, and what you are not prepared to do.
Often time spent over
Christmas undertaking activities you loathe at worst, and just
about tolerate at best? The festive period is notorious for
bringing out the "oughts and shoulds", and you find yourself
called upon to follow an ancient set of prescribed rules.
Compromising yourself over Christmas is a recipe for resentment
and ill will - not just for yourself, but for others as well.
Check out who is setting the rules, and what might be the
consequences of not following them. You can then decide to
comply or not. A congruent yes or no, will let others know where
they stand, and let them make plans accordingly. Time won't be
wasted try to persuade you differently.
5. Mentally rehearse specific events
- the Christmas Dinner, the visit to your in-laws, the trip to
the Amusement Park.
Look at the event from
the eyes of everyone involved. Be aware of the pitfalls and the
pleasures. Have contingency plans - if just how to manage your
state should things go wrong. Ask yourself "What's the worst
thing that can happen, and what would happen if it did?" Notice
what is within your control, and what else you can influence.
Everything is outside your control and so let it go and accept
it. More stress is caused by the fear of what might happen, as
opposed to what actually happens.
6. Take a new look at the system you
are in.
Christmas is a time when
families come together, sometimes for the first time since last
Christmas. It is amazing how one minute you are a mature adult,
holding down a responsible job, and the next minute you find
yourself reacting to your sister/brother/father/mother as if you
are still that 10 year old. Then you feel annoyed, or pathetic
that it's happening again. The family system can trigger old
patterns and knee jerk reactions. The strange thing is you'll
find other people responding differently, if you do something
different. If you don't lock horns, they will have to find a
different response. You will no longer feed off them, or vice
versa.
7. Rethink the things that annoy you.
When we get annoyed, it
is because we believe that things should be different, or that
they/it made us respond like that, or they wouldn't have said
that if they didn't mean XY or Z. These are examples of what we
are believing: about them, about what is right, or about how
people ought to behave. Do these beliefs enhance your sense of
wellbeing? Do they leave you feeling good? Which ones could be
more useful? Remember, to misquote Eleanor Roosevelt - "No one
can wind you up without your permission." Take a moment to
notice the meaning you are giving to the behaviour and ask
yourself "What else could this behaviour mean?" "When could it
be really useful?" You could even become curious about what has
to be happening for them, for them to behave like that. This way
you give yourself the opportunity to respond differently to that
"typical present", "typical remark" or "typical response."
8. Be aware of what you really enjoy
about Christmas festivities.
Take the time to make a
list, and remind yourself what is so good about each of them.
They may evoke bygone memories; they may pleasurably fill your
senses, or they may give you a sense of fulfilment, excitement,
or compassion. It might be choosing gifts for certain people,
wrapping your presents, hearing the Christmas music on the
radio, going to parties, wearing special clothes. It might be
experiencing the rituals of religious observance. As you become
aware of each of them, relive them with all your senses, so that
you will recognise and relish them when they actually arrive.
This will help to counter balance those other moments, which you
have chosen to tolerate.
9. Build in exercise to balance out
the eating and drinking.
Make sure you get outside
and give yourself some fresh air. There is so much socialising
going on indoors, so much on the telly, that your system can do
with a break outside - even if you are not naturally an outdoors
person. Arrange to go on a walk, see if you can leave the car
behind, clear the garden. And know that dancing the night away
is a great way to burn off the calories.
10. Consider this to be the first
Christmas of its kind.
If you are expecting
history to repeat itself, it probably will. If you have a sense
of inevitability that things will go badly, then it is likely
you will have a hand in making it happen. Often when we believe
that such a thing always happens, or so and so never does what
you want, or everyone takes you for granted, then you will find
yourself looking for evidence to support this thinking -
completely missing all the evidence that might say otherwise -
the times when things didn't happen, or what did go well, or
when you were appreciated. Start noticing what is different.
Start noticing what you are doing differently. How you are
thinking differently. And if you find yourself slipping into old
habits, let this be a signal for you to do something completely
differently.
Have the Christmas that you make for yourself. Best Wishes to
You All
